Mallory Cache Plundered

Mallory Cache Plundered Foul Play Feared

It was learned yesterday at approximately 22:00 GMT ( 4:00 pm local time), that the last known cache of Sir George Mallory ( 1886 – 1924 ) has been plundered.

A somewhat thorough investigation of the site found "no rum remaining . . ," the cache empty and devoid, much as the tomb robbers of ancient Egypt left the hallowed halls of their rulers.

Due to the serious, heinous and somewhat diabolical nature of the crime, the requisite 27 8X10 color glossy photos (with circles and arrows on the back) were forwarded to Ms Abby Sucito (of NCIS fame) for analysis.

Using the most advanced equipment available, Ms Scuito digitally enhanced, and removed the last snowfall from said photos. It was evident that four bicycles had recently visited the site (one with "skinny tyres"). Further, a small piece of glass with what appeared to be the letters:

"Du_ _ i."

A final, somewhat perplexing and worrisome clue: a small piece of what appears to be a diaper was found discarded nearby.

Investigators are focused on five, usual suspects: Kershaw, Farrow, Buffington, Ek (sp?) and Hendricks. Of the five most have solid alibis:

Buffington in jail

Ek (sp?) solidly in the "hurt tank"

Kershaw, at home preparing toboggan for young cute daughter

This leaves Hendricks and Farrow. It is well known that until recently, Hendricks was indeed a rider of "skinny tyres." This coupled with his known habit of tipping over whilst offroad may lead one to consider him the prime suspect.

However, when he had the chance to ride away to freedom at TUSCOBIA, he instead pulled out early, humiliated and humbled.

This leaves none-other-than Farrow, the wily Farrow who admits training with deer.

Authorities have pledged to keep Farrow under surveillance until further notice.